Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
