wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
