what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Terrible idea I love it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
