He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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