I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Everything about him screamed your future.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
