I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
