Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
