he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Barsexuality is the new black.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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