just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
