it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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