singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
