My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
