god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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