Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
