okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
