Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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