Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
