As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
