I am spending my child support on dildos
this boner is exhausting
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
