we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
