38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
