pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
