You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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