Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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