Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
