it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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