i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
