2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
