i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
