I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
