THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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