don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
