do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
