I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
