I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
