This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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