wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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