If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
porn star boner night. come get it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
