Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
