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Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
