i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
