you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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