once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
