Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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