____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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