do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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