I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
