First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
