I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
