Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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