did you get engaged???
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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