Sry I called you an 8
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
