woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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