Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no you cant smoke seaweed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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